You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
