But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
