the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
