my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
