God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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