We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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