If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
