i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
