By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
