i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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