So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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