Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
