I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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