I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
