I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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