i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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