People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
