I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
