dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry about my life...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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