I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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