1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
