My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
