I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
