doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
