Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
