Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry urdrukenmistakes hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(585): View more from New York

it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wakey wakey hands off snakey

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(316): View more from Kansas

I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper

(785): View more from Kansas

He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

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(310): View more from California

This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...

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