You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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