This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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