Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
