Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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