I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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