Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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