I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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