Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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