You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Randomize
