oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
