i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
