How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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