And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize