I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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