There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
