I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
