man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
