Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
