just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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