You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
