Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
