If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
