morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
