My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
