Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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