I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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