The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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