Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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