Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
