I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
