Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
