YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
