Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
