we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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