thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
