I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
