my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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