just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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