You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
