How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize