just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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