I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
