Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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