he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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