Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
