I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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