you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
