i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
