Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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