Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
