he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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