I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
