I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
