Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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