we're blogging at a bar
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
